When Your Friend Gets Dumped

– How you doin'? (horse galloping and neighing) What up everyone? It's your girl, Superwoman And you know what's worse than going through a breakup? Having a friend who's going through a breakup

– [Man on TV] I am so happy (phone ringing) – Hello – [Beth] Hey, Lil – Oh, hey, Jess – What's up? – I was watching Chopped

– Kevin and I broke up (sobbing) (Jess sobbing) (TV host talking) – Oh, you thought I was that friend because I was eating ice cream and crying (scoffs) Nah, nah, nah I just do that regularly What up, Miss Direction? I'm going that way? Having your heart broken sucks, okay? But when your friend has their heart broken, not only are you sad and angry for them, but it's also a lot of work

Like, straight up for the next couple months or days if your friend is that girl Your friend is gonna be legit broken and useless You mine as well change your occupation – And what do you do for a living Miss Singh? – Babysitter Wait

Do my glasses make me look like a monkey? (imitating a monkey) Like, you and your girl used to be on the same page, but now y'all can't even communicate because she's so devastated It's a what? – You want to get her to say that word – This word? But I can't say these words? – Exactly – Okay – Okay

Ready? – Mhmm – And go – Okay Uh, uh, it's a part of you – Tears

– No Uh Everybody has it all the time – Expectations – No, no, stop

Listen Ooo Sometimes it hurts – Your heart? – No – Your head? – No

Sometimes it hurts – Your neck – Your heart – No! – Is it your heart? – No – Is it your heart? – Stop! – Your heart

(wails) – Jackal? Jackal? Is it a jackal? Jackal? Jackal? Is it a jackal? If you know where that's from, come and pull up because we can be friends That's phase one, okay? When your friend can't do or say anything without bringing up her breakup or her ex Now, phase two is when your heart-broken friend becomes a menace to society Like, okay No

I don't want to be insensitive I get it You're sad You're lonely You're sexually frustrated

Okay You have to get your own Netflix account Oh, the terror! But, girl, you need to get it together, especially around kids, okay? My heart-broken friends be talking to my younger cousins like, – I love you No, I love you (smooching) – What ya doin', kiddo? – My toys are in love

– Oh, are they? That's a little unrealistic, isn't it? – I know dolls aren't real, okay? But it's still fun to pretend – (scoffs) No, no, no, dolls can be real Haven't you seen Chucky? It's love that isn't real – Mom? – You'll think it's real Then you'll put all this extra effort into your hair, but no one will ever notice

You know why? Because you don't matter? (suspenseful music) – Dad? – And one day the person you love will leave you all alone and all your other friends will get married and have kids and you'll be swiping through Tinder at 2 am on a Tuesday – I think it's past my bedtime – And then everyday you'll look at the tattoo on your wrist of his name and wonder, "Could I turn it into a swan or maybe a butterfly," but deep down inside you know that you'll just have to cut your arm off

– Mom! (wails) – Kids, never take candy from strangers and never talk to someone who just got dumped Like, why you all here emotionally scarring kids, okay? Don't you know one of them has to grow up and become the next president? Go and F it up for the rest of us, okay? One your friend is done being dev-a-ma-stated, okay, they'll enter phase three, which you'll be able to convince them to finally leave the house Like, girl, put on some lipstick We going dancing And the mission is simple: Empower her and encourage her through positive self-talk

I'm kidding (chuckles) Yo, find that hoe a rebound (sighs) – This is going to be so much fun I promise Let's listen to some music

("Hello" by Adele) Let's listen to something a little more– – Don't touch it – Okay ("Hello" by Adele continues playing) (gags) (mouths) Party So much for that rebound Eventually, your friend will reach phase four, okay? And this is when she goes from being sad to being extra as F

There is a 100% chance that your friend is gonna be on Instagram doing the most after a breakup Do you hear that? Shh Do you hear that? It's all my friends watching this video being like, "Mmm, yeah, that's you, Lilly "You a hoe" What? Now it's unhealthy to have double taps as validation? Get the F out of here? (giggles) Once your friend starts recovering, you should remember that she is for sure going to have a relapse every time y'all go out or she hears a specific song or she consumes alcohol

That's phase five Yeah, and it's dangerous – I can't do this anymore – I'm gonna need you to calm down – I'm gonna do it

– Do not do it – I have no choice – You're not thinking straight right now – I am, okay? I love him – Put it down

It's not worth it – I'm gonna do it I'm gonna send him a text – Give me your phone (Jess shrieks) Yo, straight up

Am I recording? Oh, God Jesus Christ I would rather give my Indian mom a wooden spoon to beat my face with, okay, than give my drunk, heart-broken friend her phone Straight up People going through a breakup, they should have a license, okay, to carry their phone

Ma'am, are you legally allowed to be carrying that weapon? But I love him By the power invested in me through Dr Phil, I'm gonna have to confiscate that weapon Fine, whatever, okay? I'll just call him with this That's fine

Have a nice night Jackal Jackal Is it jackal? Nope, it's merkel Now, after a few relapses your friend will eventually hit phase six, okay, where they'll do ridiculous things to try being positive

Jess? What ya doin'? – Just keep swimming, just keep swimming, just keep swimming, just keep swimming, just keep swimming, just keep swimming, just keep swimming, just keep swimming, just keep swimming, just keep swimming – Now, if you've made it to phase six, congrats! You're a great friend And on behalf of your friend I thank– (phone ringing) I'm shooting a video Hello? – Hey, Lil It's Jess

– Yeah Jess, I'm a little busy right now – I'm back together with Kevin (sighs) – Welcome to phase seven Tell me all about it

But wait Stop Don't go anywhere No, shut up No, look at me, look at me, look at me

Pretty motion Look at me before the end comes For Valentine's Day I've got some new merch coming out It's not out yet, but when it comes out, if you want a discount on it, follow this account, right here, on Twitter, @lillysinghfans to get that discount because for Valentine's Day you won't be able to get your beau some ballin' Okay

Go to the end Yo, did you like that video? Well, let me know What? Am I supposed to make assumptions out here? Give it a thumbs up You can check out my last comedy video there My second vlog channel, if you don't watch it and you're like, "Yo, what is Lilly really like?" Check it out

It's over there Make sure you subscribe because I make new videos every Monday and Thursday One love Superwoman That is a wrap and zoop

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