What School Actually Taught Me

– All right I'm doing this video with no makeup because I wanna preach about inner beauty and loving yourself regardless if you have makeup, with all your blemishes and scars and however you look, and you should just be so in love with who you are and how God You know what? Honestly, I was just real lazy

That's the truth I mean, I believe all that stuff, but like, I was just This ring light could make Chuckie look good

Um, I did fill my eyebrows in a little bit because I don't have any But other than that, look at all the pimples Yo, what's up, what you see acne Lil? Yo, Lilly, you're supposed to do like one line before you start the video You're doing a whole video right now Who the "F" are you to tell me how to start my video? I'm you, I'm just standing on this side

How can you be me if I'm over here? Because, literally at that jump cut you just walked over there So? You should start your video, or else no one's gonna watch it You know how many people are making out on YouTube and you is up in here not even starting your video? ShhCha! Okay, I'm starting the video

I can't tell you how many times I've used Pythagorean's Theorem in my every day life Said no one ever! (jingling) (horse's hooves clopping) (whoosh) (pop) One Love, Girl, Superwoman! Now, if you're living a blessed life, which I hope you are, then you probably got the chance to go to school Or, maybe you're still in school, in which case you're definitely not doing your homework and your watching my video instead In which case, Yo, what's up? But either way, you'll probably agree with me when I say that the majority of things you learn in school are utter waste Now, don't get me wrong, okay, I do believe that school is beneficial in some ways not all ways, but some ways, so don't go telling your parents that you're dropping out 'cause Superwoman told you to do so

Your parents already don't like me, okay, I wear my hat backwards, and therefore I'm a bad influence That's right, you know why she get pimple? Because she wear her hat backwards, okay, don't listen to her When I think back at what I actually learned from school, it's none of the stuff I was supposed to remember But I can tell you since finishing school I have never in my life had to calculate the degree of an angle in a triangle To be honest, I don't even think I've seen a triangle since I finished school

I definitely haven't seen that other f'ing shape, what's it, the rhombus? Whatever the "f" You know, honestly, I don't even think that's a real shape I think that teacher just made it up to keep kids busy

Who sees a rhombus? You see a rhombus? I ain't never seen a rhombus Is that even, rhombus, is that even the shape's name? Did I just make that up? Rhombus That sounds like, I feel like that's a thing Also, do you know how many times I've calculated the square root of something? Yeah, the same number of times I've enjoyed a flight on Air Canada, okay Zero

To be honest, I don't even remember what that means Square root of something I have nolike, my brain is instantly envisioning an Instagram picture of a root I don't even understand what the functions on a calculator mean All these ones that we learned besides the plus and minus Is it overexposed? Hello, hello, hello, hello Oh my God, this is like taking a selfie with a white person This is not gonna expose both of us properly Like, what the hell is this button that says MC? They got music on these things now? Is this like itunes? What the hell is M+? It's just M+

M+ what? You know what, this looks like Michael, okay, was trying to be all cute and romantic, like, M+, and then realized he was single real quick and just stopped half way because he's forever alone M+ Then you got MR Mister? Now Michael's married? Honestly, Michael's a mess Let's be real, the only thing we remember from school in regards to a calculator is five three one nine zero zero nine Boobies! This

This is what I have to show after all the money I spent on tuition And all of the other money I spent paying for doctors notes to defer my exams This You know, back in the day, my teachers used to ask me to solve for "x" You know, do all of these steps and figure out what "x" is

"x" equals what That ish don't apply today, okay? I know exactly what "x" is "x" is that lying boy that ain't ready for me, and I don't need no chart paper to figure that out Tsss Tsss

Tsss, Tsss, Tsss Buuuuut There are some things that school has randomly taught me that have really helped me in my everyday life, such as, how to format an argument You know what I'm talking about? How to structure an argument, where they used to teach you all those procedures and steps when you're writing I use that ish all the time

Why, my ex-boyfriend once sent me a stupid text message You know what I be? Yo, hold up Let me write a rough draft of this right now, bullet form Right here, in my Notes app You know what's up

And all you Noogles might be thinking, Wait, why in the Notes app? And, I'ma tell you, don't be an amateur Everyone knows, if you're writing a rough draft of a text message, you do it in the Notes app Why? Because, then if you do it in the text field, you might accidentally press send And you can't be going in on someone and be like, Yo, and you know what else? You na Sorry, I accidentally pressed send but Anyways, you nasty, dirty liar! No, that doesn't work

Always in the Notes app, man I finished my rough draft, okay Now, you know what's up Peer editing I tell one of my friends, Yo, proof read this ish, is this crazy enough? Do I sound mad enough? Let me know

More emojis? Less emojis? Let me hear it What, you think I'm gonna send a text message to a boy without running it through my girlfriend? Girl, no After that's all said and done, I send this boy a text, okay, with a thesis statement, three supporting points, and a conclusion (laughs) And it doesn't stop there No, no, okay? Point two, you a dirty liar

Insert footnote Footnote reads: Yeah, I'm referring to "Becky With the Good Hair" Send a follow-up text with my references, like "Lemonade; Beyonce, 2016" Please refer to Appendix "A" for a list of things I will need back from you Uh, Buh-bye I know what y'all thinking

Lilly's making a lot of jokes about her ex-boyfriend What happened? Oh my God, maybe she broke up with someone, and you wanna say, don't be ridiculous, who the "F" would date all of this I ain't even wearing any pants Who would have thought that all those annoying rough drafts you wrote throughout school would help you drag your boyfriend in 2016 Didn't see that coming

Another thing I learned in school is how to use my cell phone without anyone knowing I'm using it Now, I don't know about you young'uns in today's day and age You know, all your wild rules and freedom, but back in my day, you weren't allowed to use a cell phone in school, and I mean, anywhere, like not in class, not in the hallway, not in the cafeteria; nothing So you had to master the art of learning how to use it while hiding it So then, you know me, I be sitting up in chemistry class looking through my backpack for my textbook for like twenty minutes, but brah, nah, okay, I'm writing a long Instagram caption with my hands in my backpack

Okay, we didn't have Instagram when I was in school, I'm too old, but okay, my hands were in my backpack, I was playing Snake, though Got my hands in my backpack, pretend I'm looking for something Where is that textbook? Let me just check the corners Like, how big is this backpack? Is this backpack Wonderland? I'm just like, now where is it? And then you're like writing stupid things, like you're texting your friend about farting, but your face still has to like maintain the role So you're like, yeah, textbook, textbook

You can't even see what I'm doing, 'cause I'm on a frame Honestly, I suck at this Unsubscribe! Just kidding, please don't do that I like to have food to eat Also, Hamooz bought a Swiffer mop, and I feel like the refills for that thing are so damn expensive, so like, don't do that to me

No, but, real talk, all day, every day, I used to have my phone in my desk, staring straight ahead, just texting in my desk Oh, what, you think I need to see the letters to text? Brah, I don't play around, okay, If you ever see me and my hand is in my pocket, no, it's not just there resting No, I'm on level 50 of Candy Crush Don't get it twisted The last important thing school has taught me is that people who display their weaknesses will be picked on

And you might think I'm gonna go on a spiel about bullying right now, but no, no I'm referring to all of those times when my hand was not up, and my teacher still asked me for the answer You know the drill, you're sitting there, teacher asks a question, and you have no damn idea, so what do you do? You put your hands in your pocket, you avoid eye contact, you're looking over here, okay, you're looking through your backpack Where's my pencil? Let me see, maybe it's in my desk You're trying to be invisible

You're trying to shrink right now Look I ain't even here I'm a hologram That's right, you might have seen my Uncle Tupac before my Coachella, but I'm not here And then what happens? Lilly, you, answer

And I'm just sitting here like, Exsqueeze Me? My hand was not up, therefore, I do not know the answer Should I know the answer, I will raise my hand, as I did three minutes ago when you asked who is the Prime Minister of Canada, and my hand was up Why? Because Justin Trudeau is my bae You did not call on my when my hand was up Because I was sitting there like this

Okay, my hand was so up that I represented Liberty Okay, tourists moved to this classroom to take pictures in front of me My hand was up so long people thought that all I do is win, win, win, no matter what My hand was up so long it lost circulation My hand is blue now

I'm a Smurf now I gotta leave class early now to audition for the next Avatar movie now, Miss Kelly People are approaching me asking me for three wishes now, Miss Kelly The next time I eat Chips Ahoy, people are gonna think I'm Cookie Monster now Should I ever have the opportunity to cut Marge Simpson's hair, you wouldn't even see my hand

You turned me into an optical illusion now, Miss Kelly So no, I do not know the answer, and should it become apparent to me, I will indicate so, by lifting my Dory-looking, limp arm high into the air This has taught me to never display your weaknesses Okay, when I'm on the streets and I see a cop, yeah I look straight in that cop's eyes

Boy, look at me I'm out here I'm confident I'm right here I didn't do nothing wrong

So keep on cruising And usually, they drive right by But those random times I get nervous for no reason, I'm like, okay, look away, it's a cop, look away, okay, act casual, just act casual You better believe (makes siren sounds) Ma'am, I'm gonna need to give you a speeding ticket What? I'm not even in a car, I'm just crossing the street

I'm gonna need to see your license and registration Da "F"? I guess that's another thing school taught me, authority being unfair (whoosh) (jingling) (pop) Yo, hope you enjoyed this video If you did, please give it a thumbs up C'mon, it's just a simple click

You can do it, it's really not a hard thing to do You know what I mean? C'mon, though, let me know, do you agree with what I'm saying, or is this just me? You can also check out my last video right there It's my parents' reaction to "Work from Home" by Fifth Harmony My SuperwomanVlog channel is right there And also, make sure you subscribe, 'cause I make new videos every Monday and Thursday

One Love Superwoman That is a wrap and zoop! (Burps) Been holding that in for so long

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