What Clubbing Is Actually Like (ft. Liza Koshy)

– You know, to be honest, I'm not really sure if y'all wanted this calab to happen (bells jingling) What up everyone, it's your girl Superwoman

Now when you're under age there seems to be this magic around the idea of clubbing, and to someone who's older and been there and done that, let me tell you what clubbing is really like Your night's gonna start off getting ready with your friends aka, destroying some persons wash room, and you see this, is where the party starts ♫ I know you like to party ♫ I know you like to party ♫ I know you like to party ♫ I know you like to party – This stuff is good – What is it? – Boss – Oh true

♫ I know you like to party ♫ I know you like to party ♫ I know you like to party – Drinks are $15 in this club, which means you need to be tipsy before you even get there Let me break this math down for you real quick Ladies are free before 11 So you need to leave at 10:15 This means you need to start drinking at 9:15 to give yourself approximately 60 minutes to get tipsy

Which equals about one drink ever 15 minutes Equaling one sip every three minutes or one chug every five minutes, and if you fall behind, that's disrespectful (upbeat bass music) – Girl, you need to catch up Come on now, what are you doing? – You're right, you're right (upbeat bass music) – Get it girl

You make yourself a roadie, jump in an Uber In which case your driver will pretend to be stupid and act like he doesn't know that your water is actually vodka (upbeat music) – Uber for Luie? Perfect – In fact, to insure that he believes you're innocent, you'll probably go out of your way and say some dumb ish like Thank god we brought this water, I am parched

– Yeah, gotta make sure to stay hydrated, with water H2O – So good So you roll up to the club and one of three things is about to happen Number one, it's 10:55 but this bouncer's gonna claim that you're late and now you need to pay

– That's $10 each – Hold up, $10, whatchu talking about? It's 10:55 Ladies free before 11, brah – Yeah, we have vaginas brah – That's right, and boobs

– Yeah, kind of – On no girl, you good – That's that girl love – It's past 11 – Okay whoa, whoa, we still have five minutes

What time zone are you living in? – Yeah, Pacific Standard Time? You on the islands, brah? – $10 or leave – This guy – Catch my clutch – Okay – You, what's your name, huh? I'm gonna complain

– Of course, of course – Weird name – You need to learn how to check the time You know what, in fact Let me fill you out a subscription real quick

That's the line right there What is your name, I'm gonna complain Acting like you're gonna remember any of this tomorrow when you're hung over Girl please Going through your notes like, power trip

When did I agree to go to power? Number two, there's going to 100% for sure be some sort of confusion with the list – Are you on the guest list? – Yes, that's why we're in the guest list line This guy – Name? – Lilly, Elisa – Elisa and Lilly

– Are you two twins? – Okay, whoa, whoa Just because we both have the same skin color, it doesn't mean we're the same – Yeah, we're own own people, okay Stop comparing us – You're not on the list

– What you mean we're not on the list? Check the list again, bruh – Yeah check the list, bruh – Wait hold on, which list you checking? – Bottle service list – Well it depends, how much is it? – $400 a bottle – Are you dumb? – Can we get cans? – Or a large jug? – Can you guys hurry up? – Who the, hey don't make me put you on my list! – And number three

You finally cave and agree to pay $10, when – Yo I don't have cash – Of for real? – Yeah can you cover me? – Yeah, okay I mean there's an ATM right there – Girl you the best, I'll see you inside

– Oh, okay God damn – And here's the thing, right When you arrive by the free time, it's still so early and the club is empty They're still setting up the place

The effin DJ is plugging in wires and testing the mic – Microphone check one, two Okay (laughing) – All right, sorry, excuse me Oh you're here – oh no

– Yeah just take it right over there – You can't miss it, it's right there – Okay, okay – Okay this way? – Over there – And now this entire situation has killed your buzz, and you need to get tipsy again

So you're like, okay for the next 30 minutes let me just go hard Take one, two, okay three rounds of shots, and then right after, you will 100% of the time have this conversation Holy crap, I think I'm immune to alcohol – I know, it's not hitting me at all – You know what it is? It's probably like we're mature, and grown out of it

– You right, cheers to that (upbeat techno music) – I love you man Listen, listen, listen I'm so happy for your success – Thank you

I'm gonna text my ex now – Oh good idea – DJs in clubs are ridiculous I mean half the time they play music, but the other half they ruin your favorite song by yelling into the microphone When it starts it's okay, because it's like

– Hey make some noise! (cheering) Holla for the weekend! (cheering) – But then, ish gets awkward – If you getting drunk and making bad decisions, say ay! – Oh yeah! – If you out here trying to cheat on your man, say ay! – What? – If you so crazy that you sleeping with your best friends man, say ay! – Ayyyyy! I mean, I'm just kidding – And then of course this – You got a $10 bill get your hands up – I thought you didn't have $10

– What? – Outside I paid for your $10 cover and now your hands are up, so I just want some clarification – Oh now, it's just the song – Put your hands down, girl – What? – Put your hands down – Don't be silly

– No I said put your hands down! Don't be up in the club with your hands up pretending you got a $100 bill when you got food stamps falling out of your pocket, okay Not to mention that clubs are so crowded they get all gross and sweaty Yeah trying to get from one side of the club to the other is next to impossible So you gotta migrate with your crew and do that thing where you're holding hands Yeah you look like that Christmas wreath you made in elementary school for diversity and ish

Looks a little something like this (upbeat techno music) – Elisa, Elisa! – Lilly, don't let go! – I won't let go! (My Heart Will Go On instrumental) – All this romance is turning me on – Slut Titanic, and I'm an iceberg, you know, I'm just take her down – You're going to kill her? – No no man, I'm gonna hook up with her Walk over there like, bam! – Oh you're going to talk to her with words

– No no, of course not I'm gonna walk over there, come up behind her, grind up on her booty while she's dancing with her friend Girls love that – The night ends with you eating some greasy junk food I'm gonna marry this pizza

I'm gonna marry this pizza – It's so good I'm about to cry – Getting back to your friends house or a hotel looking like a hot mess (retching) I'm so sorry – Dude your hair is so soft

– I can't do anything right, and I can't hold my alcohol, and every time I try to draw clouds, they look like croissants Yet somehow you manage to do this (phone vibrating) (talking over each other) – Hey dad, how's it going? – Hello Lilly, where the bloody hell you are? I call you so many time – I'm sorry dad I can't talk too much right now, but let me take a minute to sit right here and tell you what happened, okay

Basically Elisa's life got turned upside down She spends most of her days on the playground chilling, relaxing, relaxing, all cool She was playing bball outside of the school and she got in a fight Her mom got scared and now she's moving with her auntie and uncle in Bel-Air I'm just trying to calm everyone down

Listen, I can't talk right now I gotta be a good friend – Okay, good girl, good night – Good night I'd like to thank Elisa for holding my hair

– It's so soft – And Jager bombs for getting me to where I am right now (retching) – What kind of conditioner do you use? – Clubbing, never again – Yo, we gotta go It's ladies free before 11

– At least that's what you'll say ever single weekend Let's go What up everyone, it's your girl Superwoman and – It's your girl Elisa – Are you happy, we did it, we did it

If you don't know who this is, check her out, she's wonderful Her link is in the description, Elisa My last video's right over there Our BTS and bloopers are right there And yeah, make sure you subscribe, 'cause I make videos every Monday and Thursday

Y'all ready? – Yeah – [Both] One love Superwoman That is a wrap, and zoop

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