Types of Poop (Don’t be shy. We all do it!)

♫ Where in the world is Superwoman today ♫ New York City (horse galloping and neighing) What up everyone? It's your girl Superwoman, real name

And first let me just start out by saying, everything's going wrong right now There's construction happening outside my hotel room, literally transformers are humping each other outside my hotel room I have a pimple on my lip It's huge, I popped it I know they say you shouldn't pop it, I popped it anyways and now it's there and just, there it is

Comment below, comment below right now "Oh my God, your pimple is so ugly" Just comment, get it out of the way Comment below, "Pimples are ugly," just do it There, is it out of your system? Because now I need to talk about a really important matter, and that is that it is super Thursday and I asked you, "What do you want to see?" One of you lovely's said, "Types of poops

" You know what? I really like that level of maturity Because as an adult I am completely qualified to make this video I been pooping for twenty seven years Except for that one year that I was constipated because I would only eat potato chips Twenty six years! I did get sick that one time in India

Thirty three years! Taking a poop is like swimming in a pool You feel lighter, you're in there for way longer than you should be, and you always pee Wait, what? Okay, enjoy Number one, the weight loss Now, this is a poop where you just feel like you released half of your body, because legit after you're done you feel like you lost weight

This type of poop usually happens when you had to hold in your poo for some reason Maybe you were on the bus, maybe you were watching a movie, maybe you were at a friends house, and you don't know them like that and you don't want to ruin the relationship But then you finally Ya'll done out there? Dang, Optimus Prime, I didn't know you was a one minute man Then that glorious moment came where you finally went to the bathroom and unleashed the wrath, and the wrath did not hesitate You take a dump, you stand up, you're feeling like a different person When I walked into the washroom, straight up, I was a size five When I walked out, size three, and you can kind of see my abs

This the type of poop that impacts your day It's like a Tumblr quote, it leaves you feeling good You just strutting your stuff like, "What's up?" These the type of poops that you just don't forget about No, I had one of them this morning, I walked out of the washroom I was feeling myself I winged my liner, flossed, I even organized my computer desktop

Because I'm like, yo I need to step up my game if I'm be pooping like a pro from now on (laughs) All throughout today I was just zoning out from everything I was doing because I was just like, "Yo, remember that poop you had this morning? Damn" Oh my God, really? Then what happened? Yo, remember the poo you had this morning? Dear God, please protect those in need, and thank you so much for watching over me Oh, and thank you so much for that amazing poop at 10:39 AM, (snaps) you the real MVP Number two, the boom box poop

Round two already? Ya'll trying to get your own reality TV show? Sixteen robots and counting Yeah Now in my opinion the fact that it's 2016 and I don't have the ability to poop on demand, or better yet flick a switch and hold my poop in, it just really means that we're failures in technological advances The number of times I'm at a friends house, or a friend is at my house, or someone's in my hotel room, and I had to hold in my poop is simply unacceptable Because here's the situation, you know if you walk into the washroom to drop a deuce, the person is like four feet from the door, and they're going to hear everything going on in there

So what do you do? You sit down and you do everything in your power to poop as silently as possible You're giving a motivational speech to your booty right now You're giving TED talk, you're just like, "Yo, you can do this I believe in you" You're trying to lean your weight to one where, you're trying to position your booty in a way that your poop might be silent

You're fixing to karma sutra up silent pooping positions Then you're like, "Okay, let me just flex this mother right here, let my booty as close to the water as possible" You know what I'm saying? Whatever you need to do so your poop doesn't sound like a dub-step anthem You release and you hope for the best, you hope for the best, now it happens Betrayal by the booty

This itch is louder than dial up internet This itch be sounding like Skrillix's next album You're just like, "Damn it, everyone is hearing my biology" Then at this point you try making yourself feel better by telling yourself, "This is so stupid You're human, this is okay

Everyone poops Everyone else makes poop noises It's fine I'm a mature adult, I'm beyond this" With your new found confidence you walk out the washroom, you see your friend, nothing's wrong

Everything's fine You're like, "See, we're all adults here" Until next week, you barrow your friends phone, and you see your name is saved as Poopatonix Yo, why we got to sign up for Apple music? Ya'll we got this booty Number three, the prankster poo– Did I press record? (sighs) I did

Number three, the prankster poop I'm sitting on my sofa watching TV, right? I have the urge to poo, but I got my priorities right, I don't want to miss any of my show What do I do? I hold it in Because my poop organs are strong, they can handle it My large intestine came to this country with seven dollars in it's pocket

It had to work two jobs, it knows the struggle Then as time passes the urge to poop grows, and I'm just like, "Fine "Let me stop watching the show, "ruin the whole atmosphere and vibe, "and go deal with biology" Honestly, biology is so needy sometimes My biology just stays texting me like, "I'm hungry, I need sleep, I need to poop

" I'm sitting over here like, "New phone, who this?" (snorts) I walk into the washroom, sit down, and get right to drop bombs Then what happens? Nothing Nothing happens Because apparently the United Nations went up my bum hole, and removed all the bombs Now there's peace in the south

Hi, hello, poop? Where did you go? Called my poop like an Uber just like, "Hey, sorry, what's your ETA? "No, you're going the wrong way "No, where I dropped the pin" Because when I was sitting on the sofa enjoying my show my poop was all like Diana Ross just like ♫ I'm coming out ♫ Now that we here, I'm feeling like Justin Beiber because I'm just like ♫ Where are you now that I need you ♫ Because bro, I already got the toilet paper in my hand What you want me to do with these seven squares right now? You got me out here wasting trees, okay? You got me out here Google-ing how to make origami swans I wait, and wait, and nothing happens

You know why? Because this poop is a prankster This poop is Fouseytube This poop put GoPros all up in my washroom, and now all of it's friends are laughing at me Finally, I give up, I go back to the sofa, back to watching TV Then what happens? Knock, knock

Who's there? Poo I'm just like, F you poo You need to go find Piglet and hang out, because I'm done with your nonsense Poo? I had the best poo this morning Man, it was good

Number four, the perfect poo You ever go to take a crap and everything just works out super smoothly? Literally You don't need to put in too much effort, just kind of sit down and it just kind of happens It's comfortable, it's relaxing, it's satisfying, it's on point Straight up bowl movements on fleek

Bowl movement goals Then you start feeling really proud of yourself, "Yo, did you see that poop? "I must be really healthy "You know, it's probably that salad "I had a salad yesterday, it's probably because of that "You know what? "I also went to the gym earlier this month, "all these actions are just equaling a healthy lifestyle

"I been drinking more water, "that's probably what it is as well "I'm like a fitness guru" Just like, "Yo, my system has better "Call of Duty than Xbox" I just imagine my insides looking like a very organized data base Here we got tomorrows nine AM poo right there, in a little file folder over there

Tomorrows ten PM poo, right there I imagine a little amoeba wearing a tie at a desk in my bum hole just like, "Everything looks in order here" Oh my God, oh my God Then when I'm constipated it's probably because they went on strike Am I a genius? Number five, the two flusher

Let's say you somehow master the karma sutra of silent pooping, and you had a flawless quiet poop, and your friends outside they have no idea what took place Feeling good about yourself, you know You wash your hands, look in the mirror, and you're like, (snaps) "Good job" You're about to walk out, what do you see? It seems like your poop is wearing a life jacket, because that itch didn't flush Your poop is effing Rose from Titanic

Your poop is blowing a whistle on a door panel right now The poop remains The toilet paper remains Something remains Then you're like damn, I need to flush this again

Wait, I can't flush twice, my friends are going to hear that I flushed twice I already flushed once, my one flush has been accounted for What do you do? You do what any mature adult does, you make up a series of excuses You walk out of the wash room like, man, that toilet's so weird it like flushed on it's own You know what, I didn't properly press the button

It was hard to press, I feel like I'm getting weaker You know what, I'm probably lacking B12 Then I was in there, I had this idea for a sick beat, so I was producing a beat in there, and then I used two flushes for the chorus Stop lying, Lily You flushed twice because your crap was so big that the toilet couldn't handle it

What? Your crap was so big that your large intestine looks like a before and after picture in an infomercial Your crap was so big that it looks like the poop emoji took steroids Your crap was so big that it has to shop at the Big and Tall store Your crap was so big that it sounded like a Donald Trump speech You took a crap so big that the toilet's on crutches, the toilet has to go to therapy

The toilet can never walk again, the toilet's up in the special Olympics because of your crap The toilet's trying to flush and you just dealt it a king high You dropped so many bricks in that toilet it looks like a game of Tetris, and you're losing You ate so many beans that if you put a bag over your head you would look like a bean bag chair If they made a movie about you, it would be called James and the Giant Poop

You would be James, last name Brown, not because you sing, but because you poop Dude, I'm joking obviously I want to hear that sick beat man (tapping) Yo, I hope you enjoyed that video If you did give it a big thumbs up, comment below letting me know are you weird talking about poop, or are you cool talking about poop

Let me know, were you weirded out? Were you cringing watching this video? Were you like, (claps) "Yee-haw, poop!" You can check out my last video right over there, it is called types of sports fans My second vlogging channel is right over there, and yo, today we hit nine million subscribers Team Super thank you so much for your love and support, this is crazy and insane Nine million? That's basically the population of the planet, and possibly Mars Thank you so much, congratulations to you as well because we're in this together

Also, for those of you that are in the New York City area I will be at Sephora in Times Square tomorrow All the information is in the description If you want to meet me there's a few things you could do to do that, then we can (squeaks) Other than that make sure you subscribe because I make new videos every Monday and Thursday, and I would love for you to join our nine milly family One love, super woman, that is a wrap, and zoop!

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