Types of People at the Grocery Store

– Look at me, making videos about grocery shopping, like an adult What up everyone? it's your girl Superwoman

So just recently I started living on my own Which means I've been going grocery shopping a lot more often Which means I buy a lot of food, and then I don't eat any of it, and I eat out every day And whether you're a super mature adult like me, (burps) Ha ha ha I blew it to you, or you're just used to tagging along with your parents, I can guarantee that you've see all these people while you go grocery shopping Number one, irresponsible drivers

Some people are straight up cray behind a shopping cart I know you don't need licence to operate a shopping cart but like honestly, you should, because there are some rules that are unspoken that everyone should know Like you can't just exit an aisle with out looking both ways like you just own the bakery section okay? I don't care how much dough you got You get it? You get it? Because dough is money, but then dough is also like dough nuts and pretzels and (distant sirens) play dough Sirens all day

But yo, straight up, you can't be driving so recklessly with your cart because I got peaches on board, and if your cart bumps my cart literally nothing will happen but I'll be slightly irritated It's just common courtesy Stop operating your shopping cart like we're playing Mario Cart because we're in a place where we actually could slip on a banana And then your cars going to do that whole thing were it spins out and it's like (mimics car) and it's going to be embarrassing for everybody Also it's not like you just park your car in the middle of an intersection

So I don't understand why you think it's okay to park your shopping cart in the middle of the dairy section What you need to be doing is parallel parking by the canned soups over there okay? Right now what your doing is problematic Because your blocking from accessing this yogurt and you know my mom wants me to eat the bloody yogurt Like I don't even get it your cart here, you're all the way over there in the fruit section, why do you think this is okay? This is not Monopoly This is not free parking

You are literally blocking and entire food group You're over there squeezing oranges not giving an F I'm over here getting calcium deficiency And hold up I know what you're thinking, you're thinking why don't you just move the cart? And i'm here to tell you uh nuh uh you don't just move peoples carts, that's wrong Isn't that weird how like it's not a car, so it's not like you need a key to move it, it's literally a cart you could move it if you want to but you don't

You can't move someone's cart I feel like that's super disrespectful If anyone ever moved my cart I'd be like I challenge you to a duel Like listen to me this is my cart okay I inserted my quarter

These right here these are my groceries These eggs, mine, for my stomach okay? Don't be touching my cart If someone moves your cart it's pretty much like they licked all your groceries and slept with your imaginary boyfriend So, straight up, I'm just going to have to pull out a game of Risk right now and declare war But sometimes I will admit it's the cart's fault

Can we be real? 60% of all carts are just F-ed up Natural selection does not apply to shopping carts because the broken ones are never taken out I feel like it's a sick joke all grocery store employees have were they're like sitting in the back watching through surveillance cameras from the capital like ah let's see who picked up the crappy one It's like a lottery Ah, wait, she's pulling out a quarter she's pulling out a quarter

You grab a cart and Because when you grab a cart it always seams fine The cart always seams fine You grab and give a little test your like yeah, this one looks good I'll take this one, and what happens the second your walk into the store? (mimics cart) Ooh! I told you it was going to be her

Idiot Straight up sounds like C3PO is just painfully dying Shopping carts are like relationships you know what I mean? Everything is fine in the beginning but then everything changes the moment you walk by some melons And it's horrible because now everyone around you is silently judging you You're the person

You're the one that got the disruptive cart You have the flip phone of grocery carts Straight up, you might as well just fill up your entire cart with Fiber One, okay because it's crap And you're going to pretend like everything is fine (mimics cart screech) But everyone knows, everyone knows it's you okay? Look at this idiot with their idiot cart

Now you're a lesser person Number two label lovers So like apparently when you buy cookies there's this outer plastic that has this, these numbers and things, that I wouldn't know about because let's be real I'm looking at the cookies but some people read all of those numbers Ah label lovers, the people who spend hours in aisles reading the labels of cans and food products just to make sure like they're counting enough calories, they know all of the ingredients and it's organic These are the same people that watch Magic Mike for the story line, and stalk Kim Kardashian on Instagram to read her captions

I'm just joking, I do think it's really important to know what's in food, God knows what they put in food these days Now I respect that, I just don't have the patience for that, and to be honest, when I see someone else, spending so much time reading labels, I feel the need to conform 'Cause I feel like if I don't do this, now they think they're better than me, like I'm a less responsible adult 'cause I don't read, I don't read the labels, fine, you know, okay, I see you read a label, what am I going to do? I'm going to take out a can, I'm gonna read, I can read a label, okay Obviously, I'm reading this label, yeah, be both reading the label I'm a mature, responsible adult, I care about body

My body is a temple, all right, think I read those tumblr quotes? I read all those tumblr quotes Reading this label, to be honest, I've already decided I'm buying this can, okay, this can can literally say, could cause extreme illness, may result in growing a third arm I'm buying this can To be honest, I'm not even reading this can I'm just reading it 'cause you're reading

I'm sitting up here like, watermelon, watermelon, watermelon, yeah, that seems like long enough, okay And the worst is when you see one of these label makers, and they're standing a little bit away from the food, so the food's over here, and they're all the way over here, and now you feel like you can't pass them, like, there's some sort of force field that you can't disrupt, so you're just like awkwardly waiting there, and you're just like And now it's just like you, me, and the lima beans, and I'm like an awkward 3rd wheel And then you gotta do one of these, like, oh sorry, excuse me, and you're like so embarrassed, and you feel like, you literally ruined the person's life Number three, express pest

All right, let me make this super clear, okay If you're gonna buy enough food for the entire cast of Game Of Thrones, don't be strollin' up to the express lane like nothing's wrong You see that sign, you see that sign, right, it says, five to 12 items That is not a suggestion, that is a rule Do you have 5 to 12 items, do you? No you do not, you have 96 items

You don't even kind of have 5 to 12 items, or if you have 15 you could argue maybe that pears and apples are pretty much the same No, you have many, many items And I'm standing behind you holding a single chocolate bar, and honestly, I'm going to behead you, not only will I behead you, but I will take out my sword, take your fruit, and pretend I"m playing Fruit Ninja There is a system This is a system, express lane, okay

What is express, mothers, you are ruining the flow, you are clogging the artery Now, this line is about to have a heart attack (whispers) because of you Number four The stressed husband Now, every time I go grocery shopping, I usually see a man, who I would like to assume is a husband that has clearly been sent on a mission by his wife to obtain some sort of household need

Sometimes he's buying food Sometimes he's buying things for the baby Very often, he's buying tampons slash and/or pads, and to me, this is F'in hilarious because I just can't imagine what it's like being a man, having to stand in that section and figure out what the F they're supposed to get Wait, what, wait, wings? Wait, these fly? Wait, what part wraps around her leg? Hi, excuse me, yeah, I'm looking for the tampon that's also a hat Wait, did she mean like cotton pads, like for her nails, or, it's probably the same thing

Walks home with a box of Kleenex and some saran wrap (claps) And they always look super stressed because you can tell based on their actions, they're about to be judged and punished accordingly And you know, you're probably right Number five, the merger So I'm checking out my things, right, I'm checking out my, no, I'm not checking out my thangs, I'm not like checking, I mean, I could be, checking out my, but what I mean was, I'm checking out my food items, at the grocery store

I'm so stupid, I'm checking out my food items at the grocery store, and what do I see? The person behind me starts putting their groceries on the little conveyor belt, I'm like, okay cool I'm watching my price, watching my price I look back at this person, and they're not using the little divider thing, and I'm just like, bro, what the F? I ain't about to pay for your Pop Tarts, bro You have to use the divider thing And here's the thing, right, as the person in front, it's not my responsibility to put that divider thing behind me, no, no, it is your responsibility to put the divider thing because if I put the divider thing, I just look like a douche bag, like I'm just like, oh hey, like I don't want your groceries to touch mine

I'm basically saying I'm a better person than you Basically, I don't want your stuff to touch my stuff, and also I noticed that you have a cart That's kind of F'ed up, okay My cart over here is royalty, so we can't be having this conversation You have to use the divider

It's there for a reason, it can be, so if I go home, and find some diet root beer in my bag, I'm gonna be pissed for two reasons Number one, diet? Number two, root beer, who drinks root beer? I'm sorry, I know commercials keep telling me I'm supposed to like root beer, but I don't like root beer I don't like, don't brainwash me I don't like root beer So what you need to do, person behind me, is act like Donald Trump, and divide that issue

Build a wall between my groceries and your groceries On a side note, though, people are actually supporting Trump That's a joke funnier than all of my videos combined What are you doing? Yo, what's up, I hope you enjoyed that video You've actually been requesting that one for a very long time, so I hope you enjoyed it sincerely, from the bottom of my heart, (singing) from the bottom of my heart

If you did, give it a big thumbs up Comment below, letting me know what you want to see for my next video on Monday 'cause today's Thursday, right? (beeping) Yes, today's Thursday Also, on Monday, I am going to India because of YouTube FanFest is on March 18th, and I'm giving away a whole bunch of tickets to the show, and my meet and greet, I will be doing that within the next 24 hours, so stay tuned to my Instagram and Twitter from now, over the next 24 hours, I will be giving away all of those tickets Also, if you want to check out my last video, it's right there It's my parents reacting to Zayn Malik's Pillowtalk

My vlog's on my 2nd channel right over there Check 'em out, you know, if you like this, if you like all this, and all this Okay, make sure you hit Subscribe because I make you videos every Monday and Thursday One love, Superwoman That is a wrap, and zoop! (burps)

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