Trying to Be Friends With Your Ex

– You wanna know why my makeup look like Sephora diarrhead on my face? Stand by What up everyone, It's your girl Superwoman

Although right now I look more like the morning after Now there's two types of people in the world Number one, those that couldn't give a god damn about their ex And number two, the people that are like, oh no I'm a mature adult and I wanna try to befriend my ex Look at you, how adult, you must garden

Now I feel like everyone goes through a point in their life where they try to be the latter They're like, no with this relationship, with this ex I'ma try to be their friend And as a result you will for sure go through the following phases Number one, nice trash talk Oh my goodness

Now the moment you decide you're gonna be friends with your ex, you're stuck in this area where you wanna be mature, but you also really wanna be petty So what do you do? You trash talk them, but with a positive introduction Honestly I have nothing bad to say about Reuben You know we're just different people I'm loyal and honest and he's a liar

– Gotcha – Honestly a really really nice guy with a small penis – Oh – I don't wanna be that person that talks crap and like makes you pick sides I hate that but I just wanna let you know that he's wrong

Without a doubt it was completely his fault – Cool – yeah And you really believe you out here doing God's work You just like hello everyone, take a picture of me

Put a quote next to the picture Post me on your Tumblr I am your inspiration Which leads to phase two Subtle investigation

It's not rocket science When you break up with someone and they're your ex, you don't wanna go to the same events and the same parties as them So you gotta do that thing where you straight up ask your friends, like yo Kelly is Alex coming to this part? Cause if Alex coming to this party, I aint coming, I aint bringing no dip and I aint popping no booty I just spit on your face, I am so sorry But now that you're an adult who's befriending your ex, you don't gotta do that okay? Because that's so immature

Instead you'll just find out inbetween the lines So who's coming to your party? – Are you asking because you wanna know if Reuben is coming? – Dude no, okay we're so past that I don't need to know if Reuben's coming I'm coming either way – Cool

– By the way how many people are coming? – Like 17 – You have like 10 cousins right? So that leaves like seven people And I know Karen and Josh are gonna come for sure, that's five minus me, that's four Reuben's crew is like five Oh, but that one guy is on vaca so that leaves four so they're probably the four, right? But whatever

– Yes, Reuben is coming – Oh, is he? And now you can mentally prepare for this interaction which brings me to, Phase three, the fake convo So you stroll into this party like okay what's up? You see your ex and are you phased? Hell nah You are rehearsed okay? You are prepared Your OOTD is maturity

So you approach him and there it begins, the fake conversation in which every single sentence is something that you think you mean, but deep down you know is a lie – Oh my god, I didn't know you were gonna be here – Yeah, it's good to see you – Yeah, totally And we're cool right? There's like no hard feelings right? – No, yeah totally we're cool

We can be friends – I'd like that – K – No hard feelings? Boy listen, okay I would have no hard feelings if your pee pee had no hard feelings every time you were with a girl, K? Which brings us to, phase four, group interaction So now that you've had this conversation and it's all good in the hood

You figure yo we don't have to divide our friends anymore So let's have some group interactions and it's gonna be a mature adult time Yo our break up is gonna be like camo, just invisible Like you can't even see this heartbreak Like take a picture of us

Let me tag a location, where are we? Adulthood – So then she stepped on a golf ball – Mm this bread is like sex – Because you aren't giving us any? (laughter) – Oh! So you wanna make jokes? Okay, okay! Well this changes everything Oh sorry, how bout you have some

It's super soft Reuben can relate – Mine's actually a little rough – Oh really? Well you rub it on Lilly's leg stubble Then we'll have bread crumbs

– Which is what we had before I became your breadwinner Yeah, I paid for a lot of our travel – And was responsible for all the wild turbulence – So anybody seen any movies lately? – Is that all you got? – That's what I said the first time we slept together Isn't it? – More drinks anyone? – Yeah, well it was like sleeping with a log I remember

– I mean one of us had to have wood – Uh so, – you guys, just cool down a little Just like chill out – Oh no guys this is just our – Totally – friendly banter that we do – We're kidding

– Yeah, we're friends (laughter) Like oh boy, you got jokes? Okay, okay, don't make me knock knock you upside your head Okay, your greasy, uneven part, hat head, too much gel, low IQ, stanky head, but we're friends Now from this point on things move a hundred times faster as we proceed to phase five, reconsidering It's inevitable

Now that your interacting with your ex again, there's gonna be a moment where you slip, okay? There's gonna be a moment where you feel lonely or you're a little too drunk, or you may be a little sexually frustrated and so your ex is gonna do a basic, basic gesture that is gonna impress you way too damn much (sneeze) – Bless you – Which leads to phase six, listening to a friend Did you hear that? He blessed me – Okay, and? – Oh my god, what if I made a mistake? Yeah, what if he's the one? You heard how he blessed me

– No you guys are not good for each other You know this – Oh wait, oh wait, did I say listening to a friend? I meant not listening to a friend I know, no you're right, totally – Okay

– I hear you Loud and clear Damn it – Yeah We're friends though, right? – Totally

– Totally – Mhm that's for real okay Ya basic! Thank you so much for watching If you're wondering how my makeup turned out like this, I let someone on my team do my makeup To watch that vlog click right over there

It's hilarious Last video And make sure you subscribe because I make you videos every Monday and Thursday One love Superwoman, that is a wrap, and zoop, give me a makeup wipe

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