Things I Don’t Understand About America

– Lack of Timbits, thanks for watching Quick backstory, hi, I'm originally from Toronto, Canada

I moved to LA about five ish years ago, and I won't lie, I have thrived here in LA You know, I've gotten very far in my career, I've made some great friends, but there's a lot of tomfoolery that goes down here And there's some things that I will never understand about America, such as number one, politics, shocker row Where do I start? I have never previously watched a debate, like a presidential debate, never fully But I figured, okay, important election, let me sit down, Let me see what this is about

Trump versus Biden Round 1, fight And can I just say five seconds into this debate, I was shook Two grown men, talking trash over each other with such confidence during a presidential debate I kid you not

You know what it reminded me of? It reminded me of when I was younger and my Indian uncles would get drunk at the family party and talk nonsense with level 3000 confidence Let me tell you, you see all these people, they walking, they talking, everybody happy? I did this – Nobody happy – No, shush, no, no, sh, sh let me tell you, the people are so happy they're saying right now people are too happy – Oh, nobody happy

– They're saying they're too happy, they're so dangerous They scare people, their faces going to break, they smiling too much I did this – People don't have jobs, okay people getting sick, people sad, people doing dirty in their pant – They will do it once, okay? And they telling people 105% people say

– No, that is very lie, my friend That is lie – They too happy

Okay, nobody sad – The surveys say, -400% people sad – Shut, no, no, shush – This guy don't have brain Where is brain? – Number one in whole world, in whole world, the number of people calling me in India, they calling me saying, "Man, how do you do like this so good?" – 200,000 people dead

– No, look eight people died, okay 10 maximum, that's it – 400,000 people dead – Don't speak crap, my friend, that's fake news – 1,000,000 people dead – Maximum 20 people, that's it

– This guy is the worst uncle we ever have, okay? He don't care about anybody but himself, there is only two naan left, he will take both naan, he don't care about your family – This guy, your son not even married yet, okay? – (adamant refusal) Don't talk about my son – His son bloody garbage, his son come over he don't even say hello to anybody I don't even know he's in my home – My son bloody here, okay? My son saying hello to everybody, everybody, he says [Foreign Language 00:02:12] with both hands

– You know what your son say? He comes to uncle, "The samosas are too spicy" What kind of bloody man this is, huh? Garbage – My son say hello to you, right? – Okay, okay, that's enough, huh? Maybe we go home, huh? – Huh – What do you mean go home? Okay, I have right to be here [Inaudible 00:02:25] Now let me tell you one thing, my friend Oi, we are breaking records, huh

– Which record you break, huh? Everybody hate you man, they think you bloody useless – What do you mean? Nobody in history of government do government how I do government, okay? We, we get the bloody trophy – Getting late, huh? – I am listening, this guy – I saved so many bloody trees, I saved – You killing environment, okay

Everybody going to die, everyone We all going to die! – You know, yesterday polar bear come to my house, polar bear said, "Thank you so much saving my life" – This a bloody clown, oh, sorry, sorry, uncle, uncle

This an uncle – For thank you saving my mommy, saving my daddy – Oh, shut up, man

– Polar bear on Coca-Cola water? No, I did Because of me, my friend – Kids have school in the morning – Uh huh, you want all kids to go to school, small school, he want them to get sick – I want kid to get education, so they not dumb head like you

– Okay, two minute – This guy right here, he love supreme white people – No, I never said like this – Release your tax return Let me see tax return

– I never, ever said like this Maybe only one or two time, but I never say like this (knocking) – Say you don't support the supreme white people – Then you tell me, what you want me say? What you want me say? – I want you say, "I don't support supreme white people" – Oh, okay, okay

"Dear, supreme white people" – Dinner ready – Oh, dinner ready, okay goodbye

– Pause, you see? You see? He never say it He never say it You never see it, right? – All naan finished – What did I tell you? (knock) – Is my hair still cute? Is it still cute? Is it still cute? Number 2: the doctors Now hold up

I know what you're thinking Okay, we get it, Canada has free healthcare (gibberish) But it's more than that There's other things that no one talks about Let's talk about it

Let's chit-chat I feel like whenever I go to the doctor's office in America, there is so much paperwork Is that just me? I do not recall doing so much paperwork in Canada It's because of the insurance and the policies and the liabilities and the (gibberish) Not to mention I live in LA, so this is a real thing

And every form I ever fill out, there's always a line that says, "Are we allowed to record this and turn it into a reality show?" I kid you not This is for real What, you have an ear infection? Perfect This is your chance to be a real patient of DrLombardi in Beverly Hills

These forms are ridiculous They're redundant and they drive me crazy – Okay, let's do this – Name? – Lilly Singh – Today's date, yeah

– October 6th – Sex? – I wish – Date of birth? – September 26 – Sign name – Okay

– Print name – Done – Today's date – October 6th – Marital status? – Single

– Name? – Still Lilly – Pregnant? – Nah – Are you sure? – Yes – Today's date? – Told you, it's October, 6 – Breastfeeding? – No – So you're not pregnant? – Who are you? My mom? – Do you smoke? – No – Do you drink? – Okay, if I have to, it's 2020

– What about while pregnant? – I'm not pregnant – You sure? – Yes, man break – Do you use illegal drugs? – Like I'd tell you – what's today's date? – It's October freaking sixth – Travel recently? – (snort) LOL

– Birthday When's your birthday? – September, 26 – And you're Lilly, right? – Yes, man, freaking Lilly – Social security number? – You know I don't know this – Okay, fine

Last thing, today's date – Are you serious? – Are you Lilly? – Like you're not going to scan my ID I know you can just scan my ID You're going to scan my ID after this, aren't you? – I'm an idiot, okay I don't know how to fill out any of this information

I don't know any of this information Why? Because I'm a codependent Indian daughter And you normally call my mom and ask her, "Mama, what's my social insurance number?" And she is it insurance? is it security? What is it? You can ask me my insurance policy number, and I don't know the number I'm just gonna be like nine one one, because policy sounds like police, and that's the best I can do So I get it You know who the real problem is? The real problem's me It's me

But, after it's all said, and then you finish the paperwork and you march into the doctor's office, like, "Hello, doctor" That's when the real nonsense begins, okay? Because no matter what you're there for, this doctor's going do 19 irrelevant things This is a true story Once upon a time, I was at a video shoot I got a splinter in my foot, a splinter, small splinter

But it was so deep that I could not get it out So they forced me to go to the emergency room here in LA And this is literally what happened – I just have a small splinter – Deep breath – My foot? – Sh, sh Mm, mm interesting – Wait, what? – Blood pressure seems okay

– I really just need – Can you please sit on the scale? – You know, I just can't get it up with tweezers – Yeah, a few pounds overweight

– Okay, can we just focus? – Any allergies? – Just splinters – Open your mouth – It's just a splinter It's in my foot Oops, sorry you got to hold still, okay? Yeah, your eyes seem a bit yellow

– My what? – Has anyone ever put you in a treatment plan for your spinal alignment? – What's wrong with my spinal alignment? – It's average – What do you mean? – How's your height been recently? – My foot – Have you been growing very rapidly? – My foot – Tell you what I'm want to do, I'm going to book an appointment with one of our specialists We can get some x-rays done

– But I – That way, we can get to the bottom of your condition – Condition? – Correct

See you soon Oh, sorry One more thing There you go, got the splinter See you next week

– Bro, am I okay? – Uh huh – I walk out, and the girl at the front desk is like, "Okay, sweetie, so that'll be $15 for the consultation And $3,000 for the 16 week plan to fix your left thumb" I'm just like, "What the heck is happening? I've been bamboozled" – Okay, so it's really hot, And I just

Have you seen how cute my hair is? I'm going to tie it up now So I just, I just Have you Can you just

It's cute, I'm tying it up Hi Number three: culture

In Canada, I don't have a single friend, not one friend whose parents were born in Canada Therefore we all know different languages and different cultures and we wear different things, and it's all fine But then I moved to LA and I meet brown people and I'm like, "Oh my God, like, which village are your parents from?" And they say some ish to me like, "Oh, Connecticut" And I'm like, "You mean Chandigarh?" And they're like, "No, Connecticut" I'm like, "Okay, do you speak any other languages?" And they'll say some ish like, "Yeah, my mom speaks Hindi every once in a while, but not really

" I'll say, "Okay, fine That's okay, I'm not judging But this is where I draw the line, brownies" – Hey, Lilly Nice to meet you

– Hi, Gagan It's a pleasure – I'm sorry, what? – Hm? – What was your name? – Gagan – Come on – Sorry? – Why? Why are you doing that? – Doing what? – Pronouncing your own name wrong? – It's Gagan

– No, it's not – I'm sorry, what? – You and I both know that your name is Gagan – I usually just say Gagan – Oh, so you prefer sounding like puke Oh, okay

You know when I drink too much, I gag it, okay Is that what you want? – It's just easier – Is this your name? – I get it – Is this sign language for your name? – "Guh" is with a "guh" sound, so I just "gah" it – Is that who you want to be? – I guess not

– Your name is Gagan – Okay – Okay, Gagan what's your last name? – Dylan – Mother F, you know it's [Foreign Language 00:08:23] – Oh, why do I care, bro? Do what makes you happy, okay Gagan, if you and your girlfriend Dia want to eat Gulab jamuns every year on Diwali

Make my day [Foreign Language 00:08:32] And it doesn't just stop there because it's culture in general You go up to an American, and you ask, "Yo, do like Soca music?" And they'll say some ish like, "You mean Bollywood?" "No, no, I don't know" "Yo, do you know where to get any like, really good samosas?" "Mm yeah you know, there's a really great taco food truck just down the street

" [Foreign Language 00:08:48] Taco truck down the street Sorry, you know what? I just had a birthday and as I get older, I'm just turning more into my mom Number four: natural disasters I won't lie The weather in Canada, it's intense, but you know what? I understand it

The road is slippery, you get winter tires If your tires are slipping, you repeatedly but steadily brake You defrost your windshield, you wear a down-filled jacket But here where I live now in LA, they have things like earthquakes and I don't know what to do I'm sure there's a way and correct things to do during I don't know those things

Those things are not my natural reaction The other day, we had an earthquake 46, by the way Okay And this is what I did

– Earthquake! (unsheathing sword) Mayday, mayday – And honestly, this is the last thing I need, okay, in 2020 Because tomorrow, my doctor's going to call me and she's going to be like, "So your chin got a little shaken up in that quake, huh? I recommend a full transplant – I'm not paying you anymore money, okay You're making me sick

I feel sick to my stomach Look at me I'm gagging I know what you're thinking Okay, you're complaining about America

Why don't you just go back to Canada, huh? You know why, smarty pants? Because I hate winter So no, I'm, I'm going to stay right here I'll just complain Thanks for watching Yo, you know the drill

If you like this video, give it a big thumbs up And if you want to see more videos from me, go ahead and click subscribe My last video is right over there Otherwise, I hope you're having a fantastic day and you're smiling and you're thriving One love Lilly

That is a wrap And Zoop!

Be the first to comment

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.


*


This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.