Hiring Body Doubles To Run My Life

(swoosh) (whoosh) – Thank you all for being here Now as you may know, my life is about to get a lot busier with my show, endorsements, YouTube, washing my hair, et cetera

So you've all been chosen to be my body doubles – Um Don't you think people will be able to tell we aren't you? – Nah I've learned that we all look the same to white people I mean NBC is still addressing me as Mindy Kaling

– Ah – Okay, so, you need to learn how to be me Because while I shoot my show, some of you will attend meetings, some of you will do my conference calls, some of you will even be fulfilling my therapy sessions, okay? Because my therapist thinks we need more "work life balance" (laugh) We think she's overreacting – Uh, what kind of music do we like? – See, we like rap music but we're conflicted because we're also feminists, yeah so we just pretend that we don't understand what the word 'thot' means

But unlike rappers, we're cheap – Wait, I thought we were rich – Oh, we are So rich But we got rich by being cheap, you know, they say fine dining, we say Costco samples

– Shit – Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa We actually don't swear, okay, we love when other people swear but it doesn't sound right when we do it, okay, one of the various ways we've suppressed ourselves We prefer words like fudge Fudge you

Fudgsicle Motherfudger Son of a fudge – Do we like fudge? – Hate it More of a Skittles person

(crunch) Okay, listen If you attend a meeting for me there's a 100% chance it'll be with a group of white men Here's what you do Tell a joke about not being a doctor They love that

(laugh) And then use buzz words like diversity, multi-cultural, inclusion, minority, woman of color – Uh, do you think I can say woman of color? Don't you think they would catch on at that point? – Trust me, if they correct you, they're racist and no one wants to be racist in public, okay? Sexist, maybe But racist At least once a meeting, convert a fraction into a percentage because half the time, it allows them to make an easy joke about Indians being good at math – So like, 50% of the time? – Good girl

Because that makes them feel funny and then we can laugh all the way to the bank But first we stop by the Costco for free samples – What about dating? – Oh, well we like boys And girls Google it, you'll be fine

– Are we good at relationships? – Um, we could be better You know, I think we need to get better at showing up for things that matter to us I'm not really sure, therapy group can you report back? Oh, on that note, could you also let us know what the whole how to forgive adults for never showing us what love looks like thing? – Uh, have we ever been in love? – Yes Once With Dwayne Johnson and that's why we'll support him in all of his endeavors no matter what

– In everything? Even the– – "The Tooth Fairy"? Yes Okay, it was comedy It was fantasy It was commentary on what it means to be human, what else do you need? – A plot? – All right, then I think you're ready

Now go out there and be me, get outta here, get outta here – This is insane This is never gonna work (footsteps) – God, they grow up so fast That one girl's prettier than me but whatever

– Oh, my God are you Lilly Singh? – I love you (laughs) – Smile (squeal) – No, smile bigger – Lilly It's already working

I can't believe that white people can't tell the difference – I know, right? This is so funny By the way, I didn't want to like, fangirl before but I just wanted to tell you, I loved you in "Slumdog Millionaire" So good Jai Ho

Classic Ah Thank you so much for watching this video Look at me, I made a YouTube video Go Lilly

I'm so excited, my new show "A Little Late with Lilly Singh" premieres on NBC on September 16th Uh, we just launched a YouTube Channel the link is in the description You can click right there as well But while you're on my channel make sure you subscribe you're one love Lilly, that is a rap! (vocalizes)

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