Breaking Up With Your Best Friend

(unicorn gallops and neighs) (logo whooshes) (upbeat piano tune) – My client, Kristen Brown would like to formally request the termination of this best friendship – As does mine

Let's negotiate the terms (clearing throat) – My client requests that if either party should need a phone conversation, she must first text the other party to see if it's a good time No more randomly calling to see "what's up?" – Who calls people anymore? – What are the terms for "needing" a phone conversation? – Death in the family, death in Game of Thrones – Actually, I think that's more of a text message condolence

– Okay, Striking Game of Thrones – No, death in the family I mean, what are you supposed to even say? But, if Jon Snow dies I will be Face Timing you write that down – Jon Snow dies, she will be Face Timing

(hits table twice) – What about birthdays? How will those be handled? – Both parties must still wish each other an annual happy birthday Via text (whispering) – Let's keep it brief, three sentences max and one of those needs to be super cliche Something like, "Hope you have a good one" Or "Wishing you many more

" – Three emojis No less, no more – Let's be clear, the upside-down smiley is not a positive emoji My client will not have any of that passive-aggressiveness – Agreed

(sighs) – Ah, my clients mom is no longer going to assume your clients attendance for family dinners – What? No But, Auntie makes the best barbecue chicken and Kristen's a vegetarian She can't even appreciate it – Aw, so sad, best barbecue chicken

Which brings me to item number 12 Per this agreement, each client relinquishes the right to call the other clients mom, "Auntie" (clears throat) (sips on water loudly) – My client will remain close friends with Ted, Kev and Kim, while your client will have friendship custody over Brian, Tina and Joseph – Sorry, that's not going to work I've been dating Kevin for 2 years

You can't have Kev! – Tina has a pool – Alright, whatever It wasn't gonna work out anyway – Let's discuss public interactions, shall we? My client would like to maintain a hug, upon greeting As to not make third-parties in the room feel awkward

I'm sure you understand – Define Hug – One arm Minimal eye contact – And no more jokingly grabbing each others butts

– Wait, no she does squats, it's so firm – you can't be friends with benefits, you can just let that one go – Alright, what about sub-tweets and Instagram's directed at me? – You do not have to answer that – We need assurance that your client will not slander the name and likeness of my innocent client

– There is no proof that my client has committed any such act – "Best friends has 11 letters", "so does backstabber" – That could be anyone – And she tagged me – Fine! One sub-tweet per week, for the first three weeks

– What? No! – She has 40 followers Pick your battles – Do we have an agreement? – We do Now to make it official we'll exit While listening to the Friends theme song

In reverse ("I'll Be There For You" plays in reverse) – So I'll see you at class tomorrow? – Yep (shimmer sound) – Yo! Did you like that video? How relatable, hashtag relatable Give it a thumbs up if you liked it My last video is right over there

Second vlog channel right over there New merch lillysinghcom get it done And make sure you subscribe because I make new videos every Monday and Thursday One love Superwoman

That is a wrap And zoop! (slurps water noisily)

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