Awkward Body Problems Girls Face

– I have a tail (horse hooves clopping) (chimes jingle) What up everyone, it's your girl, Superwoman, and let me just preface this video by saying I love my body, I'm proud of my body, I love every curve and flat place and pimple and stretch mark and bruise on my body, but sometimes my body is effed

(laughs) Let's talk about it Number one, my hips do lie, specifically when I'm shopping for jeans, because here's the thing about my lower body, right? My hips are wide, and my thighs are thick, but my waist is not as wide, and my calves aren't that thick, so I basically need like one pair of jeans and another pair of jeans cut in half and then sewn together I need to look like, basically have a scarecrow's outfit full of patches, because no pair of jeans fits me I swear to God, everything below my waist is a struggle, okay? Because, in my life, I'm constantly, constantly, thinking of three things I'm thinking, okay, number one, is my phone in my pocket? Number two, is there a mother-effing spider near me? And number three, do I have a jean penis right now? Why? Because 100% of the time I sit down, I have an artificial jean penis

It's literally the fastest and cheapest sex change Justin, Jessica, Justin, Jessica Here's the thing about my body in jeans, okay? My gut doesn't fit into my tight jeans, so it's hanging over the edge and that button, and God bless that button and God knows it's trying You know, big ups to that button because it has a rough job I don't know how it holds all of that ish inside here

That button is a real one, I'm just saying That button is probably up in therapy just like, I don't, she just keeps eating like a little, this is me being the button She just keeps eating like a little hoe I just feel like I have the weight of the entire world on my shoulders What? Okay, it's not my fault

Okay, I'm just forever hungry What up, t-shirt reference Ah! Also, I don't know what the eff that button was talking about And if I buy bigger jeans it just looks like I crapped my pants because now the butt area is too big because there's too much space in there Why? Because my butt can't fit all that space

I don't do squats, okay? I have my average butt cheeks There ain't not much junk in my trunk So, really the struggle is that I got to fit all of this into my jeans My liver, my uterus, my intestines are just cramming in these jeans just like this in my jeans being tortured I can't even fart when I'm wearing tight jeans because there's no where for that air to go

It's just like this is my butt cheeks, then stop, do not pass go Do not collect 200 dollars, just stay in the booty hole Just, I can't It's a struggle So, all that to say whenever my hips are in jeans I can't even pay attention to anything else

I am consumed by making sure my jeans look proper, so I'm not even listening to what you're saying – [Male] I don't think this is working out I just, don't have feelings for you and I feel like you never listen to me – [Lily Voiceover] I hope you can't tell my gut is hanging over my jeans – [Male] Actually, you never listen to me

– [Lily Voiceover] Wait, is my zipper down? – [Male] We've been in a relationship for a long time, but- – [Lily Voiceover] I better cover my jean penis with my shirt – [Male] Every time I try to talk to you about it it's just a, are you listening? – Sorry, what? Oh, I love you, too Number two, eyebrows So, every morning when I'm doing my makeup I shape my eyebrows with my little brush and I fill them in And approximately 20 minutes later and beyond, my eyebrows will proceed to do whatever the eff they want

I could imagine it's like being a parent and you put all this time and energy and money into making sure your child gets raised right and becomes a beautiful human being and then they end up being a mother-effing serial killer, anyways That's my eyebrows Just like oh, I got the right color filling for you I even got some eyebrow gel I have this special little brush to comb you and you still going to betray me like that? So, come lunch time I look in the mirror and straight up my eyebrows are just drooping

They look discouraged I don't even get how it happened Like how are you defying gravity and going downward? Is this "Wicked," the play? Is this the cue in which Colleen changes into Miranda? Like defying gravity? And it's a problem You know why? Because I could be confident as hell, but my eyebrows straight up look like victims My eyebrows are that girl in the club crying inside the washroom where you just need to like, girl, listen to me, okay

You need to get it together It don't got to be like this Pick up your heels, get up off the floor, take that stupid top knot out your hair, and get back out there That is me to my eyebrows My eyebrows always look like they just found out Trump is president

Just like, what do you, what do you mean? And because they look so sad, I notice that when I brush them and fix them 100 times a day I literally give them a pep talk Y'all out here acting like you're depressed widows, okay? Looking like we just watched "The Fault In Our Stars" It's not that serious We're not sad We're at a birthday party, okay? Get it together, you're better than this

Number three, ashy elbows Doom, doom, doom My elbows look like someone just made s'mores on them Like two mini campfires took place on my body No matter how much moisturizer I put on my elbows they look ashy, dark, and dry

No matter what Yeah, sorry to interrupt the Simpsons are on the phone They want to know if your right elbow could fill in for Krusty the Clown this Tuesday? Shut up, zoomed in Lily! No, but straight up, if I elbowed you in the face, you wouldn't just have a bruise, okay? You would be exfoliated Which is why I started to use these home remedies Girls, I know you can relate

You go online, you read some magazine, and they have all these home remedies with random ingredients If you are sitting there and you are telling me that you have not once tried a home remedy to improve some part of your body, you lying! The ingredients are so random, but here's the thing, I trust them blindly I'm like oh, these random household items that contain lots of chemicals? Sounds great So, I'm just sitting in my kitchen like, a little bit of honey, dash of pineapple, just a little bit of toothpaste Like how do these ingredients make any sense? They don't

I remember one time it was like baking soda and I'm like how could baking soda improve this? – [Male] Actually, baking soda reduces dark circles – Word? Just a splash of baking soda (cackles) Baking soda, I got baking soda I remember one time this home remedy was like, ooh, you want to reduce dark circles? Cut a potato in half and rub it against the area So, I'm just like ch, ch, ch

I didn't see any results, but yo, I had a lot of hash browns Number four, baby hairs AKA, the bane of my existence These little fetus hairs on my head that want to grow in the exact opposite direction of everything else They're just like oh, the rest of your hair is doing this? Let me just do this

And let me just go every way and just make sure Lily doesn't get a boyfriend Let me just make sure she has no friends, she never takes a nice picture I'm just going to have you walk around looking like Satan Hi, thank you so much for taking this meeting – The power of Christ compels you

– I always have baby hairs on either side of my head All the time My back up occupation is that God damn rodeo bull You know the one that you put a quarter in and you have to ride? That's my back up plan Mm, yeah, then you'll start getting some action

I'm going to action your bloody face And then on my forehead don't even get me started I put my hair in a ponytail and my baby hairs here will just be like Like a peacock Like that dinosaur from Jurassic Park that's like

That is my baby hair in the wind And I know what people who don't have baby hair are going to say They're going to be like uh, why don't you just gel it or use hair spray? No, gelling baby hair makes the situation so much worse Because then you're just going to be walking around like a mother-effing hazard because your hair is just going to be taking people's eye out The hell was that? (laughs) No, but I swear to God, this should be an inspirational quote

Like be a resilient as your mother-effing baby hairs That is the quote Because I could literally take wooden planks and nail them to my head and still my baby hair would be like, hey Then, what do you do, what do you do? Obviously, you do stupid things like me and you cut it, thus fueling the downward spiral Number five, leg hair

Here's the thing about shaving I'm not good at it Like I don't have patience for that nonsense, so very often I'll shave my legs and then I'll wear shorts and I'll realize that I actually missed an entire section of my leg Like a legit patch or better yet like a strip down my leg that is hairy as if my leg was the set of a movie premiere and they just rolled out the carpet, down my leg Here's the thing though, I always feel like I notice, but I don't think anyone else notices

Yeah, no, no, we all notice We call you leg mohawk And one time I got caught in this scenario with a patch of leg hair and I had to play it off Mm, babe, I missed you so much I'm so happy to see you

– Oh – Oh Oh, no I just wanted to give you options You know in case you were into that

Because I know you like puppies, right? Just like little fur, right? Just like nah, no, I'm not bad at shaving No, you see, I was just trying to be considerate in case you had some like weird kinky thing going on The body struggles are real and we all have them, so honestly, who cares? You're beautiful, love yourself Live your life, boo Wait, before we go to the end card I want to tell you did you know I post the bloopers from my videos on this main channel, now? So, ten minutes after this video comes out there will be bloopers in the description and at the end card

Check them out because they usually hilarious All 100% of the time They're usually absolutely crucial for your happiness and, let's do the end card thing now Hey (chimes jingle) Yo, did you like that video? Well then, why don't you watch some more like this video by clicking right over there

You can watch the bloopers for this video by clicking there and make sure you click that little bell, ding! To be notified when I upload because you don't want to be left behind I make new videos every Monday and Thursday One love, Superwoman That is a wrap and zoop!

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